Phrases that make me want to quit climbing

You all know what I mean, almost everytime I go outside, climb in the gym or try to explain to someone what I do on my weekends (an impossible task I have come to find) the same questions and phrases always pop-up.



1. Oh, so is it like a speed thing?
What a classic line, after you tell someone you rock climb, it inevitably leads to how you compete, which is a taboo question in itself! What if I don't compete? At that point whoever I was talking to immediately loses interest and I feel all the more disconnected from the rest of the world. Like most people don't understand the point of doing something for fun, everything is a competition... always. Just look at things like Iron Chef, or American Idol. Even if you do compete, the question that always follows is how you win... is it a speed thing? who can get to the top first? At this point I apply a very heart-felt face-palm and call it a day. Yes, its a speed thing, yes, you're right, you did go to the gym and made it to the top of the hard wall, yes, you probably are a natural at rock climbing.

2. Wow, he looks like a monkey/spiderman or something?
Dammit guys the novelty wore off the first ten times this awful grouping of words entered my ears. I mean, I guess I can't be too angry, it is a complement, but I almost take it as an insult! Climbing is something I spend countless hours investing a large majority of my life into, and to have it reduced to such childish similes like this makes me feel... annoyed. So, thank you, sir or madam for comparing me to either something that flings its poo around for funzies or a fictional comic book character who didn't even climb that much... he just slung a bunch of freaking webs. On a side note, that monkey bears a striking resemblance to your average climber...

Nice shoes.

3. So what are those square things for anyway?
Yup, they are for sleeping on.
Yup, they're just big backpacks.
If any of you have ever had the "blessing" of having this asked of you then you know lying is the easiest way out. Don't even DREAM of trying to explain the usage of the seemingly incredibly advanced piece of rectangular technology strapped to your back because you won't be able to. In the end you will have just made things awkward for both you and your new friend and both your days will be a little more crappy. My advice? My friend Luke and I decided on the perfect answer for this question: They are for killing cats.
They don't ask any more questions after that one.

4. What is this... bold ... err ... ing?
When this question is asked, I find it best to walk away.

Lets face it, until climbing gets nestled between your favorite monday night sport shows, we are forever doomed with having to face the fact that no one gets us. I mean, to put it in perspective we enjoy putting ourselves into uncomfortable harnesses and shoes, putting ourselves through seconds, minutes, hours, days even of sometimes excruciating pain, in the most extreme conditions, and for what goal? I don't think anyone can understand why until they try it themselves. So until then, yeah, its a speed thing, yeah, I plan on sleeping in this large piece of foam I am carrying, yup, I am exactly like a monkey, and yes, oh god yes my legs/arms/ankles/feet are deformed and scraped up because I fell off my bike.

I am sure you guys know countless others, infact post your most hated phrase or question in the comments.

-WB